Dominance and submission, and the inner conflict and surrender connected with these are enduring themes in human culture and civilization. In human sexuality this has broadened to include mutual exploration of roles, emotions and activities which would be difficult or impossible to do without a willing partner taking an opposing role. A 1985 study suggests that only about 30% of participants in BDSM activities are females.A 1995 study indicates that 89% of heterosexual females who are active in BDSM expressed a preference for a submissive-recipient role in sexual bondage, suggesting also a preference for a dominant male, and 71% of heterosexual males preferred a dominant-initiator role.
A safe word is usually given to the submissive partner to prevent the dominant from overstepping physical and emotional boundaries. The safe word is especially important when engaging in verbal humiliation or playing 'mind-games' because the submissive may not be aware of an emotional boundary until it is crossed. If an emotional boundary is breached and the safe word called, the dominant should cease all play immediately and discuss the emotional breach with the submissive in a tender and understanding manner. Negotiating limits in advance is also an important element in a D/s relationship.
It is important to note that for a safe, sane and consensual environment to be maintained, all participants should have a safe word of which the other is aware; this includes the Dominant partner. While it may not seem so from the outside, Dominants will also have limits and boundaries of their own, and should not only have a safe word, but be comfortable calling it if their own limits are exceeded. This includes cases where the dominant may feel things have gone too far, and are uncomfortable continuing. As with a safe word call from any other, it should herald the stopping all play and a recuperative discussion between the participants.
D/s may be ritualized or freeform. It is usually a negotiated lifestyle, with people discussing their wishes, limits and needs in order to find commonality. A D/s relationship may be sexual or non-sexual, long or short term, and intimate or anonymous. Most adherents search for the essential intensity, trust and intimacy that are required to make any deep relationship possible.

Terminology

Main article: Glossary of BDSM

D/s participants often refer to their activity as "play", with an individual play session called a "scene". In addition to "dominant" and "submissive", a "switch" is a person who can take either role. A scene between two switches can involve trading off the dominant or submissive roles, possibly several times. In contrast, the terms "top" and "bottom" refer to the active (agent) and passive (patient) roles respectively. In a given scene, there is no requirement that the dominant also be the top, or that the submissive be the bottom, although this is often the case.
The term "vanilla" refers to normative ("non-kinky") sex and relationships, the vanilla world being mainstream society outside of the BDSM subculture. The term comes from vanilla ice cream being considered the "default" flavour and uninteresting.

D/s relationship styles

There can be any number of partners in a D/s relationship, in some cases with one dominant sometimes having several submissives, who may in turn dominate others, or a submissive sometimes may have multiple dominants. Relationships may be monogamous or polyamorous. Romantic love is not necessarily a feature in D/s, partners might be very much in love or have no romantic relationship at all.
Variation in D/s is virtually limitless and the activities take many forms. These may include:

• domestic servitude or consensual slavery
• enforced chastity of the submissive
• erotic humiliation
• sexual slavery
• verbal humiliation
• fetishes, such as shoe/boot worship, uniforms, smoking, latex, heavy rubber, among others are activities considered part of BDSM
• dehumanization (pony or animal play) or objectification (forniphilia, becoming an 'inanimate object' such as a foot stool)
• cross-dressing
• whipping
• Corporal Punishment
• Trampling
• Human Furniture
• Human Toilet - Golden showers
• Feminization
• Cuckold
• Bondage (sexual)
• Public humiliation

These may be combined with other forms of BDSM. A classic example of D/s is the sissymaid, where an adult male dresses in cartoonish female clothing and performs stereotypical female chores such as housecleaning or serving tea. It should be noted that cross-dressing in D/s does not always involve a desire to be sissified or made into caricatures of women or to serve; for example, others may desire to be made as beautiful as possible and interact on a "girlfriend-to-girlfriend" non-sexual basis.
Some D/s relationships are sexual, others completely chaste. Fantasy role play can also be a part, with partners taking classic dominant/submissive roles, or classic authority figure roles such as teacher/student, police officer/suspect or parent/child. Animal play, where one partner takes the role of owner/caretaker and the other takes the part of a pet or animal, can also be D/s play.

Consent and contracts

Main articles: Consent (BDSM) and legal consent which discusses when consent can be a defence to criminal liability for any injuries caused and that, for these purposes, non-physical injuries are included in the definition of grievous bodily harm.

See also: Contract (BDSM)

Consent is a vital element in all psychological play, and consent can be granted in many ways. Some employ a written form known as a "Dungeon negotiation form", for others a simple verbal commitment is sufficient. Consent can be limited both in duration and content.
Consensual non-consensuality is a mutual agreement to be able to act as if consent has been waived within safe, sane limits. In essence it is an agreement that subject to a safe word or other restrictions, and reasonable care and commonsense, consent (within defined limits) will be given in advance and with the intent of being irrevocable under normal circumstances, at times without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of extreme trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their activities.
It's not unusual to grant consent only for an hour or for an evening. When a scene lasts for more than a few hours, it's common to draft a "scene contract" that defines what will happen and who is responsible for what. It's a good way to work out what all the parties want, and usually improves the experience. Some "contracts" can become quite detailed and run for many pages, especially if a scene is to last a weekend or more.
For long term consent, a "Slave contract" may be used. BDSM "contracts" are only an agreement between consenting people and are usually not legally binding; in fact, the possession of one may be considered illegal in some areas.^[5] Slave contracts are simply a way of defining the nature and limits of the relationship and are not intended to carry legal force.
After a slave contract is drafted, some celebrate the event with a "collaring ceremony", in which the local D/s community is invited to witness the commitment made in the document. Some ceremonies become quite elaborate, and can be as involved as a wedding or any similar ritual.

Equipment and accessories

Some people maintain a special room or area, called a dungeon, which contains special equipment (shackles, handcuffs, whips, queening stools and spanking benches or a Berkley horse, for example) used for play scenes, or they may visit a BDSM club that maintains such facilities.

Collars

Main article: Collar (BDSM)

A typical D/s "slave collar"

Many submissives wear a "collar" to denote their status and commitment. It can be much like a wedding band, except that only the submissive partner wears one. The traditional collar is a neck band in leather or metal, chosen, designed or even crafted by the dominant partner. Some subs wear a "symbolic collar", often a bracelet or ankle chain, which is more subdued than the traditional collar and can pass in non-BDSM situations. It is not uncommon for a sub to have several collars for special occasions. Dog collars are integral for K-9 roleplaying—pup-play.
There was once a tradition that wearing a collar with an open padlock indicated that one was seeking a partner, a closed lock indicated that one was in a relationship. This symbolism became less common after around 1995.^{[citation needed]}
Many people, for example some of those in the punk rock and goth subcultures, wear collars for other reasons such as fashion, so one cannot assume that all people wearing collars are involved in BDSM. Members of the furry fandom may also wear collars as a part of costuming or as a fashion. Use of collars in the sexual aspects of furry lifestyle may or may not be connected to BDSM depending on the individual's preferences.

Safety

There are some risks commonly associated with D/s. Because it is mostly a mental activity, many of the risks associated with D/s involve mental health. Others involve abuses of the trust inherent in a D/s relationship. Some examples are:

• Physically or mentally abusive dominant partner
• Self-hating subs
• Dominant partners who violate the trust relationship by attempting to isolate the sub from society or monetarily exploit the sub
• Unstable dominant partners or subs who, through act or threat of calling public attention to the other's private life and their relationship, can cause financial or personal hardship (see Outing)
• Emotionally unstable or manipulative subs or dominant partners seeking more from the relationship than the other, as a human being, can give.^{[citation needed]} This can include so-called mind games, emotional vampirism and any other forms of emotional manipulation or abuse present in any other relationship.^{[citation needed]} The extra factor is that D/s relationships are already predicated upon a delicate shift of power, and so rely more than usual on participants being able to handle that well.

Local and regional BDSM organizations typically provide community-based counseling and assistance to dominants or submissives who are in a troubled relationship.^{[citation needed]}

History

There are many writings from the ancient age through the modern that would clearly indicate a willingness to submit for purely romantic reasons.^{[citation needed]}
Another medieval example is the literary convention of courtly love, an ideal which usually required a knight to serve his courtly lady (in "love service") with the same obedience and loyalty which he owed to his liege lord.^{[citation needed]} This convention was submissive and sometimes fetishistic, with the knight performing acts of cross-dressing and self-flagellation.^{[citation needed]} However, the relationship between the literary conventions and actual practices is unknown.^{[citation needed]}
There are also accounts of prostitutes in most major cities that catered to male submissives, as well as masochists.^{[citation needed]} In a male dominated world, it was all too easy for a submissive woman to find a strict male dominant,^{[citation needed]} but some women still found ways to leave husbands who were "too soft".^{[citation needed]}

A submissive man stretches out his bound wrists.

One of the most famous works in this area is Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's Venus im Pelz (Venus in Furs, 1869), in which the protagonist Severin persuades a woman, Wanda, to take him on as her slave, serves her and allows her to degrade him. The book has elements of both social and physical submission, and is the genesis of the term masochism coined by the 19th century psychiatrist Krafft-Ebing.
The Velvet Underground's song "Venus In Furs" is clearly based on Sacher-Masoch's novel and discusses sadomasochism, the character Severin, and common bondage practices in a detached, objective and non-judgmental manner.
The Rolling Stones song "Under my Thumb" (M. Jagger, 1966) is supposedly about a D/s relationship. The Green Day song "All By Myself/Dominated Love Slave" (Frank Edwin Wright III or Tre Cool) describes F.E. Wright III's feelings for female dominance.