On the night of their wedding, a young couple finally retired to their hotel room. After making her preparations, the bride came out of the bathroom to find the bridegroom on his knees in front of the bed.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm praying for guidance," answered the young man.

"I'll take care of that," she replied. "You pray for endurance."



 " A man was having marital problems. So he went to his shrink for advice. The shrink says "when you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make made passionate love to her."

In two weeks the man was back in the shrinks office. The shrink asked "How did it go?" The man said "She didn't have anything to say, but her bridge club got a kick out of it."


 A man is driving home late one night and is feeling very horny. Anyway, as he is passing a pumpkin patch, his mind starts to wander. He thinks to himself, you know a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there is no one around here for miles.

He pulls over to the side of the road, picks out a nice juicy looking pumpkin, cuts the appropriate size hole in it, and begins to screw the pumpkin. After a while he is really into it, and doesn't notice the police car pulling up.

The cop walks over and says, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?" The man looks at the cop in complete horror, thinks fast and says, "A pumpkin? Is it midnight already?"